a funny

Subject: a funny
From: Harriette Phelps <>
Date: Thu, 16 Apr 1998 14:13:58 +1100
Subject: New virus

Form: Memo
Text: (45 lines follow)
Danger:  New Virus Warning

If you receive an e-mail with a subject line of "Badtimes," delete it
immediately WITHOUT reading it.  This is the most dangerous e-mail virus

It will rewrite your hard drive.  Not only that, but it will scramble any
disks that are even close to your computer.  It will re-calibrate your
refrigerator's coolness setting so all your ice cream melts and milk curdles.

It will demagnetize the strips on all your credit cards, reprogram your AATM
harmonics access code, screw up the tracking on your VCR and use subspace
field harmonics to scratch any CDs you try to play.

It will give your ex-boy/girlfriend your new phone number. It will mix
antifreeze into your fish tank.  It will drink all your beer and leave its
dirty socks on the coffee table when there's company coming over.

It will hide your car keys when you are late for work and interfere with
your car radio so that you hear only static while stuck in traffic.

Badtimes will make you fall in love with a hardened paedophile.  It will
give you nightmares about circus midgets.  It will replace your shampoo with
Nair and your Nair with Rogaine, all the while dating your current
boy/girlfriend behind your back and billing their hotel rendezvous to
your Visa card.

It will seduce your grandmother.  It does not matter if she is dead, such is
the power of Badtimes, it reaches out beyond the grave to sully those
things we hold most dear.

Badtimes will give you Dutch Elm disease.  It will leave the toilet seat up
and leave the hairdryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub.

It will wantonly remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and
pillows and refill your skimmed milk with whole.

It is insidious and subtle.  It is dangerous and terrifying to behold.

It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve.  These are just a fewsigns.
Virus Central!! Ain't technology great?

Dr. Harriette L. Phelps
Department of Anatomy and Histology
University of Sydney
NSW 2006

phone: 61-2-9351-2841
fax: 61-2-9351-2813

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