Saving the Spotted Owl.

Subject: Saving the Spotted Owl.
From: "jon wren" <>
Date: Fri, 07 Apr 2000 06:05:04 PDT
Gooday all,
About time we had a bit of a chuckle.

If Noah had lived in the United States in the 1990's (or even 2000), the story may have gone something like this: And the Lord spoke to Noah and said, "In one year, I am going to make it rain and cover the whole earth with water until all flesh is destroyed.
But I want you to save the righteous people and two of every kind of
living thing on earth. Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark."
In a flash of lightning, God delivered the specifications for an Ark. In fear and trembling, Noah took the plans and agreed to build the ark.
"Remember," said the Lord, "you must complete the Ark and bring
everything aboard in one year."
Exactly one year later, fierce storm clouds covered the earth and all
the seas of the earth went into a tumult. The Lord saw that Noah was
sitting in his front yard weeping.
"Noah!" He shouted. "Where is the Ark?"
"Lord, please forgive me," cried Noah. "I did my best, but there were
big problems. First, I had to get a permit for construction, and your
plans did not meet the building codes. I had to hire an engineering firm and redraw the plans. Then I got into a fight with the Council Building Inspector over whether or not the Ark needed a sprinkler system and approved floatation devices. Then, my neighbour objected, claiming I was violating zoning ordinances by building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the city planning commission. "Then, I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark, because there was a ban on cutting trees to protect the Spotted Owl. I finally convinced the QLD Forestry service that I really needed the wood to save the owls. However, the Fish and Wildlife Service won't let me take the 2 owls. The carpenters formed a union and went on strike. I had to negotiate a settlement with the Industrial Relations Commission before anyone would pick up a saw or hammer. Now, I have 16 carpenters on the Ark, but still no owls.
"When I started rounding up the other animals, an animal rights group
sued me. They objected to me taking only two of each kind aboard. This suit is pending. Meanwhile, the EPA notified me that I could not complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed flood. They didn't take very kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over the conduct of the Creator of the Universe.
Then, the Department of lands demanded a map of the proposed flood
plain. I sent them a globe.
"Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint filed with the Equal
Employment Opportunity Commission that I am practicing discrimination by
not taking atheists aboard. The ATO has seized my assets, claiming that
I'm building the Ark in preparation to flee the country to avoid paying taxes. I just got a notice from the state that I owe them some kind of GST tax and failed to register the Ark as a 'recreational water craft'. And finally, the government got the courts to issue an injunction against further construction of the Ark, saying that since God is flooding the earth, it's a religious event, and, therefore unconstitutional. I really don't think I can finish the Ark for another five or six years."
Noah waited.  The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine, and the
seas began to calm. A rainbow arced across the sky.   Noah looked up
hopefully. "You mean you're not going to destroy the earth, Lord?"
"No," He said sadly. "I don't have to. The government already has!"

Jon Wren
PO Box 868
Bowen (Climate Capital of Australia)
Queensland Australia 4805
Phone 07 4786 2614H Mobile 0412 789 285
email:  or 

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