WAYNE: Right, now there’s a lot to report,
including, I’m afraid, some near-disasters. First you’d
better take a look at this –
TREVOR: Oh great. I see you’ve got
the kangaroos in there Wayne.
WAYNE: I’ll get to that, Trevor, but first
I’ll give you the sad news on your emu.
WAYNE: Barry went along to a meeting and spoke to
someone at the Canberra Ornithologists. I think it might have been the
president. And when Barry mentioned the emu on the stamp, he said
“Oh dear me, I don’t know about that. I think the only ones
around here escaped from Tidbinbilla or are the result of the emu-farming boom
in the 70s”. So Barry had to say “Yes we know all about
that but it’s so hard to get interesting local birds”, and this
bloke said “Well, what about a nice hooded robin?”. So
that’s it, Trevor. Your emu is gone, finished, out, and
that’s why I had to go down and spend half a day in the photo library to
find that hooded robin you can see there. Trouble with this project is
everyone you talk to has their own idea of what should be on the stamp.
FIONA: Yes Wayne, it’s one of the most difficult
things I’ve ever had to do.
WAYNE: Now on top of that, at the Canberra
Ornithologists Barry thought he’d show off our artwork and he produced
our picture of the “Male and Female Fairy-wrens” and he’d
just got as far as “Hey take a look at this nice pair of ..” when
someone said “Oh, a couple of male fairy-wrens, one in non-breeding
plumage”. Well, you can imagine how Barry felt. It looks like
we’ve got to be extra careful here. Now listen closely Fiona.
See that male fairy-wren on our stamp? I want an absolutely dead-set
female to go with him. Now get out a photo of one from the library, and
get down to the botanic gardens, and go up to one of those fairy-wren experts
that are always wandering around there, and without saying you’re from
the department just bring up the subject of fairy-wrens and how difficult is to
tell them apart, and just say casually ‘look at this one for instance’
and get them to confirm that your picture is fair and square in the female
category. All right?
FIONA: Yes, Wayne. I can see how important this
is.
WAYNE: Now the next thing is the kangaroo
fiasco. Barry has pointed out, very astutely, that a kangaroo will just
draw attention to the fact that our department is busy knocking them off all
over the place, and people will laugh themselves silly if we put one on a
stamp. The Canberra Times might be OK but those people at the ABC are
always trying to find something to stir people about up for their talkback
programs. Therefore we’re going to be way ahead of them and use
– wait for it - Swamp Wallabys. Very like kangaroos, but they
have the distinction that unlike kangaroos nobody’s taken a major
objection to them so far. You’ll see I’ve included a few
here, but we can always take a couple out later.
TREVOR: Good Wayne. With an expert eye you can
certainly see they’re nothing like kangaroos.
WAYNE: Now I’ve given Fiona an important job and
here’s one for you Trevor. We don’t want them starting a
Swamp Wallaby cull just when our stamp comes out, so get down to the Culling
Branch and tell them to hold off on any plans like that for, say, 18
months. We’d better get it in writing, and come to think of it wombats
too - and also that fruit bat I think we’ll use. In
fact, here’s the plan: type out on a sheet with the departmental
letterhead “There will definitely be no culling of Swamp Wallabys,
Wombats or Fruit Bats before the end of 2011” and make sure they sign
it. Tell them if they don’t Barry will raise it at a divisional
meeting.
FIONA: Just a minute Wayne. Don’t
you think that could sound awfully misleading if it got out? To the ABC
for example?
WAYNE: It won’t get out Fiona, and I’m
not going to trust that Culling Branch unless I get it in writing.
TREVOR: I agree Wayne. I’ll get right onto
it.
WAYNE: Finally, I’ll just recap where we are on our
overall design. I reckon we’ve got the mammals squared away.
We’ve got our six birds, subject to an all-clear on the one with funny
wings - although I’m not entirely happy with that duck which really only
got in when the Fiona’s platypus was still a live option. We’ll
have two insects if Fiona can just get a breakthrough on the moth problem.
However, we’re really going to need to have a serious talk about the
flowers. Right?
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